Word of the Day- Koinophobia

New big word but all too familiar.

There's this thing many elementary school teachers do to develop kids’ vocabulary. And it's called “Word of the day”. The common practice is to pick each letter of the alphabets for each week of the school year. Then, the kids have to learn a word each day that starts with the alphabet of the week. I don't know why I have to describe this random well-known fact but let's both pretend it's necessary for this gist I have.

This week, our letter is K. I know we're not in elementary class but day-dream with me. This is my escape from the shege adulthood is showing me. You sef, don't you need a break from adulthood for a minute? Anyways, our letter of the week is K and our word of the day is K-O-I-N-O-P-H-O-B-I-A. Koinophobia. Koinophobia is the “fear of being ordinary” or like I prefer to put it; “the fear of mediocrity”. It is very likely this word is not new to you, either grammatically or experientially.

Before I go on to the point, let me bore you (or not) with this gist about my friend.

My friend, T has always said she doesn't want much out of life. All she wants is a simple teaching or civil service job (she loves teaching), a nice kitchen utensils retail store (she loves cooking), and a warm home with a loving husband and lovely kids. No lofty dreams or ambitions like some of us and I have always admired that she knew exactly what she wanted. After school, she pursued teaching and partnered with her aunt’s utensil business. While some of us are built to aim for big things and wild ambitions, sometimes our desire to special envelopes us in fear.

The world has always glamorized being extraordinary. Super smart, super strong, gifted, talented, etc. This has always been the way of things. However in the 21st century, particularly within the last decade, being extraordinary has become the norm. There is a constantly growing obsession with being different, being unique, being extra, having a unique purpose, being extremely skilled or talented. As a result, many of us have also become obsessed with being extraordinary that we have developed such a phobia for mediocrity. Is this a bad thing? Primarily not.

However, when it makes us abandon things or even avoid trying at all simply because we feel we are not exceptional at them, it starts to appear as an underlying problem. This is a problem many high-performing people tend to have. Why do I start to panic whenever I realize that my abilities might be ordinary? Why do I perspire when I struggle a little bit to grasp a knowledge or skill? Why do I secretly ask myself; Who am I if I'm not the best at everything? What am I if I am not the smartest or prettiest or richest or everything-est? Why do I secretly fear that someday, everybody will find out that I am just ordinary? Why can't I just be; without striving to appear extraordinary?

The desire to be exceptional is not bad, but when being ordinary translates to anxiety attacks, maybe my obsession with being extraordinary or special is not worth it? What defines what I should be, or rather what should define it? Who defines what it means to be extraordinary? What should be the yardstick for evaluating special-ness? I don't have the answers, these are questions I am asking myself. Why is there so much contempt for the ordinary? When does the desire for exceptionality cross the lines into a phobia?

Anyway, these random musings have been lying in my Substack drafts for months. It was not complete yet but now, I cannot remember the train of thought so I can't complete it. Consequently, I am publishing it the way it is. Please share your thoughts on the comments, it might jolt my memory.

Thank you for reading again and again

Love Always,

Lumin🖤